The 5 Steps to a Perfect Relationship
by Taylor Hayes
Summary: I'm a total geek and this is a story about Bert and Mary Poppin's relationship, which I always felt was more important then the stupid kites. *laugh* Momentarily on hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**The 5 Steps to a Perfect Relationship**

a/n Wow. This is kinda... I wanna say lame. I mean, I'm actually writing a fanfic for _Mary Poppins_. Which either means I have guts or watched WAY too much Disney when I was a kid. But this idea about Mary Poppins and Bert came to me in the middle of the night, and I didn't have it in me to let it pass without writing it. Stick with me, it'll be funny and worth it! I promise.

**Step One**: Meet Entirely by Chance, Both Busy with a Task to Fulfill, but Find Oneself Unable to Not Stop and Greet One Another

It was the first assignment she had been given in her chosen profession. It was her life's calling, and she had been both well taught and well prepared.

But that didn't mean dealing with real, live children for the first time wasn't far more tiring then she would have expected.

Now, as she rushed them back towards their home after a day scrambling through the town, trying to instill the notions of manners and family in the two, she was fighting off exhaustion and just wanted to get them back into their parents' care. They might not have been the best of parents, but they were still better able to control their over-indulged children then she was.

He was passing in the opposite direction, the tools of a window washer in one hand, and slung over his shoulder, when their eyes met.

His smile was mischievous, his air cheerful. And when he looked at her, she felt like he was watching the very first sunrise.

Her lips were smiling before her mind gave permission.

She nodded, and he held out his hand. When her gloved fingers slipped across his work-worn palm, there was no firm, conventional shake. Instead, he gave a light squeeze and a little bow, matched to the merry twinkle in his eye.

"Bert's m'name, Miss-?" He raised an eyebrow, and she nearly blushed.

"Mary Poppins," was her response, pleasant and pleased.

Then there was a tug at her skirt, and Amelia began to whine. With an apologetic look, she caught the children's hands and hurried off.

But from behind, she heard that pleasant voice call, "Mary Poppins, eh? I'll be seein' you then, Mary Poppins!"

And she felt a subtle sadness at the realization that they were most likely never to see one another again.

**Next Chapter- Step Two:** Defy Previous Expectations by Crossing Paths Again, This Time Pausing for an Entire Conversation


	2. Chapter 2

**The 5 Steps to a Perfect Relationship**

a/n Yeah, please let me know what you think, if there's even anyone out there reading this. This is entirely cheesy, but I'll admit that fanfics give me a chance to "right the wrong choices" of characters in movies that I love. And I always thought Mary was an idiot for heading off without Bert. So... That's why! *embarrassed laugh* As previously stated, I am SUCH a geek.

**Step Two**: Defy Previous Expectations by Crossing Paths Again, This Time Pausing for an Entire Conversation

It was her twelfth placement, on her day off, and she had made plans to visit the park near the Ingor Home. When she heard her name called, she was shocked, to say the least. And as she turned, and found the man coming towards her, familiar and smiling, the surprise transformed into bewildered pleasure.

"Bert, isn't it?" she asked politely, her happy expression matching his own.

"Mary Poppins, it's right kind o' you ta remember." His words were boisterous, his tone charming, and a quick laugh slipped between her lips. Instead of taking offense or becoming confused, his grin stretched wider. "And now that I've made a pretty lady laugh, me day's complete."

He paused, then bowed low, jokingly. "Or it will be, if you'll allow me ta escort you's 'round the park."

Faced with his hopeful, sunny look, she could only nod and take the arm he offered. "Thank you, Bert."

"Anything for a gal what looks like you, Mary Poppins."

The next hour flew by in silly tales and comfortable exchanges. The way the two interacted was so wonderfully familiar that anyone watching would have assumed they had known each other since childhood.

Finally, she regretfully admitted that she had best head back. And he supposed correctly that she was not the type of woman to be swayed by protestations or flattery. In fact, if he had to guess, he'd say she hated when men treated her that way.

Instead, he thanked her for the"right enjoyable" walk, and she returned her gratitude for the "absolutely lovely" hour.

As the two parted, again he called after her, "I'll be seein' you soon, Mary Poppins!"

And again, she shook her head. Yes, running into him twice had been against the odds. But three times was simply impossible.

**Next Chapter- Step Three: **Literally Run into Each Other, Make an Accusation of Stalking, Only to be Dissuaded and Find the Company still as Enjoyable as Remembered


	3. Chapter 3

**The 5 Steps to a Perfect Relationship**

a/n Sorry this is taking me so long to finish. But there's only two more steps! *cough, cough* (Says the girl who took several weeks to even put up the third.) Again, sorry!

**Step Three**: Literally Run into Each Other, Make an Accusation of Stalking, Only to be Dissuaded and Find the Company still as Enjoyable as Remembered

She had secured her newest position, and was now walking out the door, towards town. After all, medicine was always needed, and even a well-prepared nanny could run short.

Which was when someone stepped right into her path. There was a moment of collision, and even as she began to fall backwards, an oddly familiar hand was catching her arm and pulling her upright. She found herself staring up in utter shock at-

"Bert!"

The twinkle still shone in his eyes, and he gave her a small wink. "'ello again, Mary Poppins. You're lookin' right be-a-u-tiful, if I may say so meself."

"How did you-? No, _where_ did you-? What I mean to say is..." The woman who prided herself in being "practically perfect in every way" was at a complete loss for words.

The man simply continued grinning, cheerful. Then he said, "Glad ta see ya with yer feet on the ground, Mary Poppins, 'steada flyin' through the clouds with that there um-ber-ella."

Her mouth dropped open, and she glared. "Have you been _following_ me? I assure you, hunting and watching a woman who has not given her consent to be courted is no way to win said female's attraction, only her fear and anger! Why, I could report you to the police for such mannerisms!"

Bert's laugh was loud and long. "Now, don't be foolish, missy. I ain't followin' ya. I follow me work."

"And what, precisely, is it that you do, sir?" she asked, voice as cold as the Northern wind.

"Well, that's just it, ain't it? Meself, I'm a "jack o' all trades". Means I gets ta travel and meet nice new people, and mayhap run into ol' friends and acquaintances along me way, such as yerself, Mary Poppins. I been a window cleaner and an ice man, a street sweeper, a lamp lighter, a park ar-teest, and any number o' other professions."

Taking in his outfit, Mary raised an eyebrow. "And this time, I suppose you are a chimney sweep?"

"Right you are, Mary Poppins!" he smiled widely, the white of his teeth showing through the soot which covered his clothes and face. Then he raised an eyebrow, almost as a dare. "And would you wanta enjoy a few hours o' right pleasurable comp'ny with some a the finest chimney sweeps in merry old England?"

A sigh and shake of the head. "Oh, Bert. I can't. I've errands to run, and-"

"Well then, how's about after those kiddies yer watchin' this time 'round are sleepin' sound in their beds? Would that be good fer ya?"

She couldn't help the delighted little laugh that fell from her lips. "That would be perfect, Bert."

"Well, then, Mary Poppins," he tipped his hat. "I'll call 'roundabout eight, shall I?"

"Perfect."

That was the first time the sweeps of London had the opportunity to dance and sing the night away with the magical Mary Poppins.

It was also the first time, to his great delight, that Bert received a kiss on the cheek from the "be-a-u-tiful Miss Mary".

Not to mention the day Mary Poppins began to resign herself to the machinations of fate in regards to the meetings of a certain nanny and a particular jack-of-all-trades.

**Next Chapter- Step Four**: Joyfully Interact with One Another in the Course of a Story that Mainly Circles around Two Children, a Rather Foolish Father, and Kites


End file.
